Get A Grip, People: Ghostbusters (2016)

Ghostbusters is embroiled in a hot mess of undeserved hype. It is difficult to untangle the mass, and frankly I’m not interested in spending the time on it. Honestly, Ghostbusters isn’t worth the trouble. There are a couple things that struck me so I’ll say my piece and be done with it.

First, Ghostbusters was a mediocre film.

The comedy was mostly lame and what was “laugh out loud” funny was few and far between. Ghostbusters puts me in the mind of Seinfeld. The most entertaining main character is the crazy one, i.e. Kate McKinnon’s Jillian Holtzmann, and she’s has to share screen time with her co-stars. That said, I want to make sure there’s no confusion: Kristin Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, and Leslie Jones all did a fine job, but there’s only so much they could do with what they had to work with, which wasn’t much. Here’s a few examples of the jokes Ghostbusters offers:

“That stuff went everywhere, by the way. In every crack.” Erin Gilbert (Kristin Wiig) on being barfed on by a ghost.

“NO! That is a deadly high five.” Abby Yates (Melissa McCarthy) backing off of a high five with an exuberant Gilbert after testing a new hand-to-hand combat glove.

“The power of Patty compels you.” Patty Tolan (Leslie Jones) slapping Yates to remove a ghost which has possessed her.

Kevin (Chris Hemsworth), the dim-witted secretary, was the one consistently funny element in the movie, and is so exactly because he was politically incorrect. Was he part of a feminist plot shoved down our throats to make us vote for Hillary Clinton? Could be, but I hope not. If he was this play was lamer than Bob Doyle’s gimp arm. How so, you ask? Well, plain and simple, the character was funny. True, it’s sophomoric humor, but sophomoric comedy is the high-brow part of the show. Dumb but lovable, he gets a pass for his faults because he’s so damned pretty. I’ve read that some people believe he is intended as a “see how you like it” for all the degradation woman have been subjected to over the years from being cast in similar roles.

Granted, this kind of character can be written in a mean spirit which is wrong, but Kevin was light-hearted, and therefore moronically funny. By the same token Kevin would have been funny if he were Karen. So, if Paul Feig was trying to “teach” us a lesson all he managed was to show that this is a humorous character type (male or female) and uptight people need to unwad their crusty granny panties. Speaking of uptight people…

Second, misogynists are fucking retards.

So are racists. To give either any more thought is to give them validation they don’t deserve. At the same time, lumping anyone who has a dissenting opinion in with racists and misogynists is equally fucking retarded.

Both groups: Get. Over. Yourselves.

Ghostbusters was supposed to be a fun, summer blockbuster—a goofy comedy to waste an hour and a half. Period.

Misogynists, quit acting like the all woman main cast is some kind of conspiracy, because it’s not. Besides, women have been around from the beginning of time. You’ve seen them your whole life. This is just one—or more precisely four—more. So what? If you don’t like all women stories don’t go see Ghostbusters.

On the other side, overly sensitive people with chips-on-your-shoulders, quit trying to bully people simply because they don’t like what you like. We shouldn’t give a pass to a crappy movie just because someone who is marginalized is at its center. Actually, an all woman feature deserves better representation. By criticizing Ghostbusters hopefully the next all female film will be better.

One last thing. I have a request for everyone else: quit validating these goddamned idiots by feeding the fire. All of them are trolls, and trolls are trolls are trolls. Leave them under their bridge to eat shit and be the horrible scum that they are. Without recognition they’ll fade away into the obscurity from which they sprang. The world will be much better off with their absence.

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