Wow. Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance is a pile of dog shit. It amazes me that these kinds of movies continue to get made. I understand that money buys anything. I’m just shocked that people willing to spend money on asinine garbage.

The two big draws are Tommy Wiseau and porn actresses. This means Samurai Cop 2 is gratuitously immature, incoherent, and full of tits and ass. The filmmakers were going for campy fun, but like all of the plastic surgery nightmares “starring” in this, the result was sad.

As I watched I kept thinking, “Is this what LA is really like?” Maynard James Keenan, lead singer of Tool, sings of LA in Œnema:

“I sure could use a vacation from this
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of freaks
Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA”

Thing is, there is a dignity to be found in being a circus sideshow freak. Not for the denizens of LA if this is an accurate sampling. And like said population, there is NOTHING dignified in Samurai Cop 2.

Samurai Cop 2 is the motion picture equivalent of a failed midlife crisis that’s turned to suicide. It’s visual proof of everything wrong with the image-centric system and all the people who have fallen through the cracks, and who are surviving solely on crack’s sweet, sweet lies.

I highly recommend Samurai Cop. It’s the epitome of what makes a “so bad it’s good” movie. For more on it check out my walk-thru of Samurai Cop over at The Lost Highway. I can’t recommend Samurai Cop 2, not even ironically. Imagine walking in on your elderly parents in the middle of a tepid and dry session of Hootchie-Cootchie-Lick-‘Em-Yum-Yums. Getting people to watch it would be the ultimate goatse, but there’s not enough bleach to cleans the taint of witnessing such a sight.

So, do yourself a favor. Learn from my mistake and let this one go.

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