An M. Night Shyamalan Joint? Brick Mansions (2014)

“Detroit, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.” Obi-Wan said that, and Obi-Wan is always right. Well, except about young Anakin Skywalker, but at the time Ben was still just a pup himself. It was a mistake any of us could make. My point is, Detroit is a great background to set a dystopian society.

That, unfortunately, is where Brick Mansions starts to fall apart, i.e. right from the get go. Unlike Obi-Wan, the people responsible for this travesty should have known better.

The basic premise is hard enough to suspend disbelief against: a huge section of Detroit has been walled off because it was taken over by a dangerous criminal. Oooooookay. This movie’s gimmick is David Belle and his amazing parkour skills, so this bit of creative license gives him a lot of room in which to parkour. And Belle parkours his ass off in this movie. So once the setting is established, the movie settles down into a respectable enough buddy cop type thing.

There are drug deals, parkour, murder, kidnapping, parkour, revenge, car chases, and parkour. Everything progresses nicely along the three act structure and then “the clever twist.” By clever twist I mean to say everything you’ve been told up until this point, about an hour and ten minutes into the movie, is bullshit. Moreover, here’s some salty lemon juice to put in that wound—things are completely rainbows, unicorns, good happiness peace stuff opposite. M. Night Shyamalan would be proud. Did he work on the script, uncredited?

You dirty fuckers. Thank you for that swift kick in the nuts.

I would say what’s so bothersome about the twist, but it would spoil the movie. Although, the twist itself is actually what spoils the movie. Still, I’ll not reveal the problem in the event, dear reader, you just have to see this movie for yourself. Just be prepared. You will leave the theater in a rage at being thusly cheated out of your precious life. Remember that I tried to warn you.

In closing I have to say, Paul Walker, you deserved better than this. If, for no other reason, don’t go see this movie in order to honor the memory of Paul Walker. Brick Mansions is NOT how you want to remember him.

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