Nerds Everywhere, Rejoice! Our Prays Are Answered: Riddick (2013)

Put down the controller. Push back from the computer. Crawl out of your parents’ basements. Venture out into the world, into—dare I write it?—the sun to see Riddick. Why?

Katee Sackhoff shows her boobs!

Oh most beautiful Sweet Precious from Heaven, mine eyes are not worthy. Yet I have seen the sight. I cannot unsee. Forever is thine image burned into my mind’s eye. Yea, I am blessed. For this benefaction I give thanks on bent knee.

The Revelation is not both at the same time. It’s completely gratuitous, but done with more tact than the typical slobbering fanboy’s dream: Katee in a short skirt, topless, on a trampoline. There could be a director’s cut in the works, but I’m not holding out much hope. There’s only so much gratuity one can get away with, even in a Riddick film.

We see Precious Left first. There’s a nice push in from the side. Nipple and everything. Precious Right is reflected in a mirror a few shots later.

Of course the first thing I did after the film was text my buddy. He has no interest in seeing Riddick but I had to let him know: TOTALLY. WORTH. IT. Second, I got online to get the scoop. (See what I did there? Adolescent boob joke. He he he. I might be over stimulated. Sorry.) According to a couple stories, the nudity wasn’t negotiable. Katee learned this from the power-that-be AFTER she got the role. Douche. Rather than resort to childish name calling, she asked her dad and fiancé because she wanted their blessing, and didn’t want to embarrass them. With their ok, she nutted up.

Did she do the right thing? Does this make her a sell out? Is she a confident actress doing what she’s gonna do?

I don’t care. As one of the many fat pervert geeks who will likely never meet, much less woo (or should I say woe?) Katee Sackhoff, I would like to say right here and now, “Thank you for throwing us one, Katee. You took one for the team and we love you all the more for doing so.” You won our hearts as Starbuck. With your sacrifice in Riddick you can do no wrong. Here’s to you with all hopes that you land the role of Harley Quinn should they ever make a movie with her as a character. You would ascend to the realm of Gods and Goddesses. You deserve nothing less.

Oh, and as for the rest of Riddick, if you’re a fan of the franchise it was an entertaining ride. There’s plenty of ass kickin’. This time around Riddick even has a cool dog (pictured above). Check it out. You’ll dig it. If not I’ve got two words for you: Katee’s boobs. ‘Nuff said.

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