Thank Christ There’s No Smoochie Suckface: Pacific Rim (2013)

A well placed kick to the balls can send an electric bolt of pain right up into a guy’s gut like the high striker game at the local carnival. A similar thing happens to me every time a movie stops the forward momentum of the story for the sake of a “love interest.” Fuck love conquers all. It’s a boring cliché that needs to be drowned in a boiling vat of diseased monkey diarrhea.

There’s the hint of Love, but it is left at that—a hint. What’s more, there was some Captain “we’re-destroying-the-planet”Planet bullshit, too. Again, thankfully, it was just a fleeting moment of dialogue. This is the perfect example of a compromise: the dipshit producers get to have a message and love while the filmmaker is allowed to make the movie he/she set out to make.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I go to the movies to be entertained, not to be sold on how to vote. Save the message for documentaries. Save the lovin’ for porn.

Now that I’ve passed that curmudgeonly stone, Pacific Rim was everything I had hoped for in a Giant Robot vs. Kiaju movie. The Jaegers (mechs) were individualized with some sweet weaponry/tricks. The monsters were vicious badasses, with their own flavors of devastating special abilities. Little people ran screaming while shit got wrecked. A young man takes a hard knock but comes back. Against all odds humanity stands up to the overwhelming onslaught. Fuck the dumb shit. This was a simple and straight forward story, executed brilliantly. A exhilarating thrill ride of AWE-some.

How much I like a movie like this is directly related to the height of my desire to be one of the heroes of the movie. I left this movie feeling like I did when I used to watch Kung Fu movies as a young boy. I’m hyped to sign up for the Mech Corps or Jaeger Team or whatever they’re called. I’ve got a berserker hard-on  to kick some alternate dimension alien ass. I’m sure all those years of training (watching Sunday Morning Action Theatre) will pay off in spades, too.

(I understand, beyond any doubt, that just like my zombie apocalypse fantasy, I’ll be among the first causalities. A 40-year-old boy can dream, right?)

There is one thing I noticed that I have questions about. Each of the Kaiju are different. They are designated by size, like hurricanes and tornadoes and Earthquakes. Having only seen it once, I’m not sure if this was intentional, but I got the feeling that each of the monsters were at least partially a homage to a famous monster. There was one Kaiju in particular which made me think this. It was very much like a gorilla, or in the giant monster vernacular, King Kong. I recommend a close watch of the monsters to see if there’s something to this. There’s a good possibility I’m just projecting my love of the genre on this film, but knowing del Toro…

This is definitely a film to catch on the big screen. I watched in IMAX and 3D, which I have to say is too much. 3D doesn’t really do much, so if you have to have a gimmick, go for IMAX. Otherwise, just catch it on the regular screen. You don’t need anything more, trust me.

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