Three Old Men, a Brothel, and Going Out With a Bang: Stand Up Guys (2012)

My father was fifteen years or so older than most of my friends’ fathers. It was strange to have a father so much older than everyone else. Because of this people who didn’t know us would confused him as my grandfather. He was a grey-haired curmudgeon by the time I was old enough to appreciate him and our unique situation. Looking back on it, all the awkwardness worth it.

By curmudgeon I mean he was a character; he played the part. He relished it. Nothing amused him more than throwing me off. For instance, as he was heading out on errands he would say, “Boy, I’m going out to pick up some hot granny bitches for oral sex. We’re going to sit around and talk about it.”

“Thanks, dad. Now that horror will be forever burned into my mind,” I would say as he strutted off, laughing. His play on words was lost to the thought of him in a menage a trois. And while the image of my dad and some “hot granny bitches” having oral sex makes great clumps of hair fall out of my head, some part of me hopes that he did go out and get sideways with some blue-hairs. At least once.

Stand Up Guys is the movie adaptation of that hope.

Val (Al Pacino), Doc (Christopher Walken) and Hirsch (Alan Arkin) are geriatric wise guys. Val has been in prison for almost thirty years because he took the fall for the last job which got out of hand. Doc is hired to “take care” of Val when he gets out. Before he does so Doc decides he’s going to give Val one last night to remember.

Stand Up Guys goes for juvenile penis jokes, quite literally. And that’s perfect considering the situation. The older and closer to death you get, you should enjoy whatever brings you pleasure, even pee-pee jokes. If you can do so with your best buds, all the better.

Stand Up Guys is the epitome of a middle finger to expected behavior. It’s goofy and unbelievable, but it’s heart-felt last hurrah with some touching coming-to-terms moments. It’s absolutely the kind of last day wise guys would get, if wise guys actually lived long enough to be senior citizens.

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